Finally, a Real Answer

After months and months, maybe even years of deliberation over a question, a leader in my life has shown me the answer that I already knew. I have been struggling for a long time over the notion that the vast majority Christians do not seem to live out the consequences of radical truths they profess to believe. Do we really believe our lost friends are in eternal danger? Do we act as if we really believe this? Do we really believe in passages in the Bible that call us to pluck out our eyes, leave our families, give away all our possessions, serve everyone always? Or are only certain ones of us called to these notions. If so, is it not strange that the vast majority of American Christians are called to a life of extreme comfort?

The bigger question is of course not a general one, but a personal one. If I believe these things I question in others, how then should I live? Should I give away everything tomorrow? Should I join the ministry, become a missionary, become as rich as I can and give everything to a noble Church? Or have I been predestined to a life that conforms to the desires and talents I am blessed with, and my choices have a significance in the lives of others that can only be blamed on God and not myself? At this time in my life, when I have very little idea what the next year will hold, what should I do in light of what I profess to believe?

The answer came at the end of a long discussion with some close friends, in the form of a quote from a deceased member of the resistance to the Nazi Party, a Christian writer named Dietrich Bonhoeffer, relayed to me by the great Nathan Elmore:

We have literally no time to sit down and ask ourselves whether so-and-so is our neighbor or not. We must get into action and obey -- we must behave like a neighbor to him. But perhaps this shocks you. Perhaps you still think you ought to think out beforehand and know what you ought to do. To that there is only one answer. You can only know and think about it by actually doing it. You can only learn what obedience is by obeying. It is no use asking questions; for it is only through obedience that you come to learn the truth.

It's so obvious, isn't it? I could never in a million years analyze and theorize enough to come up with an answer to these questions. I would run in circles asking a thousand different spiritual leaders their take on what I should do, receive hundreds of thousands of almost worthless pieces of advice, and never come up with anything close to a plan. I must obey what I know I should obey, and the truth will come to that. As I seek God's heart he will reveal to me what to do next - but not before I have obeyed the simple commands he has given me, which as of right now I have been rejecting all my life, in favor of long discussions, worrying, and pretentious theology that makes me feel intelligent and holy while preventing uncomfortable things like prayer, loving my brother, and seeking God's heart.

I cannot believe I toiled with this for so long. How can I be lead to what I should do when I refuse to take the very first steps? I have known what I should do since I was 15 years old, and all I have done in the last 7 is amass a tremendous amount of reasons not to. There were times during my time at college when I considered posting pages upon pages of a manifesto against Christians - my own insipid list of reasons why American Christianity must change or die. I'm so glad I didn't ever write it down. Because I can see now how foolish I was. I was (and still am) one of the people I hated then - confused, cowardly, and bored. What the hell have I been doing? THE TROUBLE WITH THE WORLD IS ME. I seriously doubt I will ever really learn to live that statement out - to really, really believe it in the depths of my heart. But here's to trying.

To the Christians of America, whom I have spent vast amounts of time hating, and wishing I could somehow separate myself from - I am sorry. Yes, you are wrong often, but I am the chief of sinners, and your problems are not mine to solve. You are mine to love and forgive - which is never the same thing (something else I'll never really be able to believe). My trouble with you is like the trouble of a man shooting a bird in a cage - you are an easy target and I absolutely love being a critic. I'm sure I will be angry with you many times more in the future, but I will try my hardest not to condemn you. The trouble with the world is me.

For it is only through obedience that you come to learn the truth. The trouble with the world is me. He is risen. Hallelujah, Amen.

Image: Bob AuBuchon