Saturday, September 26, 2009

Dear Microsoft: You Need To Hire Me

You don't know it, but you do. I know I've made a bad habit of criticizing your painfully awful marketing over the last few years. Lately I've been trying to hold back. But this week, when you decided the best way to get the word out about your new operating system was to sponsor house parties where customers show off Windows 7 to their friends, I just couldn't take it anymore.



You really think there is one person on this planet who would want to attend a house party for a new operating system release? And you think this so-dumb-it's-funny video will help sell software like Pampered Chef? Are you freaking kidding me? I mean just look at that homogeneous yet mismatched cast -- it's like the Planeteers of boring!

What continues to boggle my mind is that you're paying some team of people millions of dollars to dream up and produce this schlock. You are one of the biggest, richest companies in the world. You have a product with very good selling points, which a lot of people will have no choice but to buy no matter what. And yet you can't hire someone to come up with something better than this?

So I'm going to put myself out there like a redneck in a modern art museum: I can do better than this! Yes, I'm a cocky, mid-twenties engineer with no marketing experience -- but let's be honest, can you do any worse at this point? You've got Vista's crash-and-burn to recover from and you're off to a start that makes Al Bundy look cutting edge.

Besides, I'm not all that bad. I do know a little bit about technology and making funny videos. How about this: give me just 1% of your marketing budget for Windows 7 and I guarantee you I can come up with something better than "Windows 7 house parties." In fact, I might just make a video myself, on my own dime, to prove it to you.

What have you got to lose?

7 Comments:

  1. Hired!

    Wow, I couldn't even watch the whole thing. Besides being boring and lame, it made me feel extremely awkward. I don't know much about marketing, but I'm pretty sure an advertising tactic shouldn't make a possible consumer feel awkward. Oh Microsoft - you get a sad shake of the head for this.

    If you need any stage hands for your video, let me know!

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  2. wow... I'm a huge fan boy but this is stupid...

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  3. sometimes the weird house party idea actually works. just google septic social. we as a society tend to try to "keep up with the jones'" so if the neighbor is doing it, people may just believe they need to as well. I'm working on a research project about getting neighbors involved, so it may be far fetched but the reasoning can be backed up.

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  4. Carin, I'm not criticizing commercial house parties here, I'm criticizing Windows 7 commercial house parties. Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Cutco Knives -- fine. An operating system? A party people attend to check out the new features of an operating system? This is just terrible.

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  5. I hope all of your blogger friends link this post. I want someone at Microsoft to see this. I'm putting it on my facebook page. Why? Because I think you are up to the challenge. I do want a consulting fee, though.

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  6. I am in. When do we start making this video? I think Chadwick the Orphan might need a cameo appearance.

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