Notes from a Conversation with a U.S. Soldier

Flying back to D.C. in February, I sat next to a woman who looked about my age dressed in full military fatigues. I am always curious about the experiences of our soldiers, and this young sergeant was so open and honest that I didn't hesitate to ask her questions for our entire flight. She had worked as a mechanic building explosive devices, but was now an interpreter. She was fluent in five languages and was deploying to Afghanistan in a few days. Here are some things we talked about.

Note: Please understand that I simply wish to share her thoughts here, which I don't believe she would mind me doing. I would issue the disclaimer that these statements do not reflect my opinion or that of the U.S. military. These are the thoughts and opinions of a single soldier and should not be read as sweeping generalizations.

I asked for her opinion about the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell." She responded that she did not think completely ending the policy was a good idea, but perhaps changing it would be. She was much more concerned about ending the "don't ask" portion of the policy than "don't tell." She explained her feeling that "don't ask" protects gay and lesbian soldiers from beatings and harassment that she felt would take place if officers were able to demand that soldiers reveal their sexual orientation. She said that she knew many gay and lesbian soldiers and that their sexual orientation was common knowledge despite the policy, and they were not treated differently as a consequence. However, she felt that this would not be the case in basic training. In her opinion, the policy should be preserved for basic training to protect gay and lesbian soldiers, and then done away with once the soldiers had reached a certain level of proficiency and discipline.

I asked her opinion about women serving in the military. To my surprise, she said she felt that combat was too stressful for many women to endure, though there were exceptions like herself. She felt that there should be more restrictions on women serving.

I told her I had heard about the very high levels of violence towards women in the U.S. military, and asked if she felt safe. She told me (accurately, I later found) that the prevalence of rape in the U.S. military is comparable with that of college campuses, and that this is the result of men being placed in the extremely high-stress conditions of combat. It was clear to me she didn't feel much fear of being harassed or abused.

I asked her opinion of the outcome of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. She said that though the situation in Iraq was much more stable than Afghanistan, both conflicts were going to take much more time to resolve than she felt the general public understands. She said she felt a general peace in both regions could (and would) be accomplished, but it will take many, many decades and may never be possible without a U.S. presence.

I asked her whether she felt supported as a soldier by the American public and civilians like me. She said she felt very discouraged by claims that the war in Iraq was a "mistake," that it was "wrong" or "unwise." She explained how a few months ago her best friend had been killed in the very area she herself was shipping out to in a few days, and it frustrated and angered her to think that someone would claim her friend had died in service of a "mistake." I offered that those who oppose the war have her well-being in mind; they do not wish to see her and her friends killed in service of something they do not believe in. This did not seem to comfort her. This was probably the most striking part of the whole conversation to me, because I realized (and this is my opinion here) that to her, there was no "disagree with the war but support the troops." She had to believe in the nobility of the mission. But if this is what is required for her to feel that the American public supports her, it precludes that the American public never disagree with the military actions of their government once they've begun—which in light of America's military history (Vietnam being the go-to example) is essentially an indefensible position. I think it would be pretty unwise, even scary if the American public never expressed dissent with any ongoing U.S. military action, even in the name of supporting our soldiers. Nevertheless if I heard someone calling a mission I believed in, risked my life for, and my best friend had died in service to a "mistake," I cannot imagine how angry, disheartened, frustrated, even disgusted I would feel. There is a terrible impasse here.

She told me she was going through her second divorce, and it pained me to consider how difficult it must be to maintain relationships as a member of the military. She was from Massachusetts, and we talked about Massachusetts politics, Scott Brown and Ted Kennedy. She had owned a restaurant before she joined the armed forces, and we talked about the ramifications of the recent health care legislation for small businesses. When I shook her hand, told her good luck, and we deboarded together (I now wish I had told her I would be praying for her, as I have), I was left with the feeling I always receive from speaking with a member of the military, one of respect and awe at the conviction, endurance, and courage they possess which I doubt I ever will.

Image: expertinfantry